weird days

yesterday was tuesday or #tilttuesday which I seriously considered doing but nah idk I’m still trying to decide what I think is gross and what isn’t.

I think I’m also very confused because I can’t really decide what I feel about life (?). I kind of have rules-ish for myself (e.g. don’t do xxx or you will be a gross person // you should somethingsomething etc) but sadly it’s not me being philosophical or deep or anything because I just use it to decide what to do or as an excuse to justify my judging people. and idk I have been thinking about some rules for a while and I can’t really decide what I feel and I know that different rules should apply to different scenarios but I like having a fixed, specific rule because it makes me feel more certain about life and stuff because I kind of am an indecisive person.

judge people by the way they treat you

or

judge people by the way they treat others

so this is kinda confusing for me because I am quite indecisive and sometimes I use this kind of thing to decide on stuff [e.g. should I pretend to be interested in what my sister is saying today even though it’s 100% boring and irrelevant to me (like seriously it’s all k-pop) or should I just tell her to shut up].

and this might be a turning point in my insignificant pubescent life because yesterday, I finally told my sister to shut up because I was “tired of entertaining [her] when she doesn’t even listen to what I have to say even when it’s relevant to [her]”. because seriously I was f-cking annoyed because 1. all she talks about is k-pop and 2. she ignores me when I try to talk to her because she’s thinking about k-pop or reading about k-pop or watching videos about k-pop. and I felt quite proud of my outburst. but I can’t tell her never to talk about k-pop in front of me again or she’ll probably never talk to me again (this sounds sad but it isn’t really so I have to put an emoji to make it less somber) πŸ˜…

I think it’s really evil to take joy in being horrible to someone but um screw it πŸ˜€

good things:

  1. I slept early for the past few days (I think – not sure about the day before yesterday but definitely yes for yesterday and the day before the day before yesterday). which makes me feel like I’m one step closer to becoming a productive person πŸ˜€
  2. I feel good about telling my sister off (I am aware of my horribleness but screw it) after not saying it for the whole duration of her liking k-pop which I think is like 2 years πŸ˜’
  3. I made a pretty list πŸ˜€ (this one)
  4. I can start crocheting again ❀
  5. I read a few really good poems today on a friend’s blog and it made me sad because it was so good like it was so innocent and sweet and charming though I don’t know if she’ll want me to put the link here πŸ˜…
  6. not too much homework these days!!
  7. I did some typography todayΒ 
  8. finally, this list is quite long which is good I guess πŸ˜€

I felt like doing something cool with my life (like be a nice person or go vegetarian/vegan for a week) but nah.


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